Thank you, really thank you I'm crying and getting the sadness out really helps the soul. This helped me to elaborate what my father couldn't be and, if I'll ever find the strength to start and build a relationship and then a family, to strive to be the best father I'll be able to be.
I just woke up and I am glad I wrote it and I am glad I posted it. There is pain reading back through it but that, in my mind, is a precursor to growth. Something is happening because last night and this morning are wild.
I woke up from a vivid nightmare. It wasn't one I have had. It was weird and convoluted but involved me losing my family and my son. And like most nightmares it involved my wife waking me up out of it. For some reason I start screaming no, like I am aware I am in the nightmare and I think I am. God bless her for waking me up each time, though I know it is bothersome to be startled awake.
To me, the writing and the nightmare tell me what I need to know. That I have to wake up and that I have to see. I have to pay attention and I cannot take a sideline or a passive approach. I have to see and I have to smile and I have to give me all of myself, not just part.
Present to ourselves, aware of our failings. Present to our kids, aware of their potency. Kind to our kids, embracing their failings. Kind to ourselves, embracing our potency.
Beautifully stated, and all too relatable. All we can do as fathers is strive to be better than the men who raised us, sometimes that bar isn't very high as in my case, so I know I'm doing better but still fall short too often.
A strong man is one who can apologize and admit when he makes a mistake, and isn't afraid to show humility.
I've enjoyed your posts and insights, and it's always comforting to know I'm not alone. Thank you.
Keep fighting the good fight fellow Dad. You are all that stands between your kids and this indifferent and occasionally hostile rock we all call home.
This is beautiful. As a parent I relate to striving to be better. As my sons got older I was a worse parent than I wanted to be but became much better, more present, when I understood they weren’t like me. That they needed me much more than I’d imagined. When I became a writer I realized I had a lot of resentment toward my grown sons for where they were or weren’t for their age. But recognizing that seems to have drawn it out and now it’s fading more and more each day. Your work and Starfire Codes and Charlotte and Deborah Hewitt and so many others writing of family have opened my eyes and helped me get my heart right. Thank you for that, and for this.
"Fathering is not something perfect men do, but something that perfects the man." Frank Pittman
Perfection.
🤗💞✨
Thank you, really thank you I'm crying and getting the sadness out really helps the soul. This helped me to elaborate what my father couldn't be and, if I'll ever find the strength to start and build a relationship and then a family, to strive to be the best father I'll be able to be.
I don't even have words for this.
I'm so glad it helped you.
I'm glad you posted this.
Thank you.
I just woke up and I am glad I wrote it and I am glad I posted it. There is pain reading back through it but that, in my mind, is a precursor to growth. Something is happening because last night and this morning are wild.
I woke up from a vivid nightmare. It wasn't one I have had. It was weird and convoluted but involved me losing my family and my son. And like most nightmares it involved my wife waking me up out of it. For some reason I start screaming no, like I am aware I am in the nightmare and I think I am. God bless her for waking me up each time, though I know it is bothersome to be startled awake.
To me, the writing and the nightmare tell me what I need to know. That I have to wake up and that I have to see. I have to pay attention and I cannot take a sideline or a passive approach. I have to see and I have to smile and I have to give me all of myself, not just part.
This will be an interesting day.
As a father, however flawed, yours are the shoulders on which he will stand. And they will be perfect for him.
Present to ourselves, aware of our failings. Present to our kids, aware of their potency. Kind to our kids, embracing their failings. Kind to ourselves, embracing our potency.
Wonderful.
I like this.
I think I need to write this one down.
This is beautiful.
Thank you!
Thank you for writing this. It is comforting to know that my experiences of guilt or regret about not having unlimited time and energy are not unique.
They certainly aren't.
Unfortunately it took making the mistake again to write about it.
It is my hope that in the future, earlier rather than later, I can reflect on past mistakes and write about them prior to making them again.
So, growth.
Beautifully stated, and all too relatable. All we can do as fathers is strive to be better than the men who raised us, sometimes that bar isn't very high as in my case, so I know I'm doing better but still fall short too often.
A strong man is one who can apologize and admit when he makes a mistake, and isn't afraid to show humility.
I've enjoyed your posts and insights, and it's always comforting to know I'm not alone. Thank you.
Keep fighting the good fight fellow Dad. You are all that stands between your kids and this indifferent and occasionally hostile rock we all call home.
This is beautiful. As a parent I relate to striving to be better. As my sons got older I was a worse parent than I wanted to be but became much better, more present, when I understood they weren’t like me. That they needed me much more than I’d imagined. When I became a writer I realized I had a lot of resentment toward my grown sons for where they were or weren’t for their age. But recognizing that seems to have drawn it out and now it’s fading more and more each day. Your work and Starfire Codes and Charlotte and Deborah Hewitt and so many others writing of family have opened my eyes and helped me get my heart right. Thank you for that, and for this.
Wonderful!
The theme that seems to be repeating, and that I keep learning over and over…
Is that life is HARD.
I wish I could just remember that for once.
Such beautiful “humanness” in you.
How not to raise a cowardly narcissist. You sound like a pretty good dad to me!
My thanks!
I say if you can be humble and try your best to improve, you are the best kind of parent. Thanks for sharing!
Truth.
A bad parent closes their eyes and their minds to their own mistakes.
A good parent does what you do. ( “Son, I am sorry.” )
You apologize when you make mistakes, and you try to do better.
Your children will love you for it.
You are an excellent writer and a fine moral philosopher.
Thank you on both fronts.
Though moral philosopher has never even crossed my mind before.
And I saw this comment when you first... commented.
But I was a bit taken aback.
So, thank you again, good sir.