Screw It, Make Them Uncomfortable: Become Undeniable
Become Undeniable In This Unfair Reality
Weak minds sink under prosperity as well as adversity; but strong and deep ones have two high tides.
This post was inspired by a discussion I had with regarding The Unintentional Online Meritocracy Experiment.
Enjoy!
The World Is Unfair
Life is unfair.
Dealing with the trials and difficulties life brings requires an understanding of this foundational truth.
I couldn't figure out how best to say that without coming across as rough or uncaring, so I elected to just come out with it. To not say anything, just allowing you to go into the world without this knowledge, without this understanding, would be a disservice.
If I could sum it up in one sentence, it would be: Life's unfair, deal with it. You don't have to shy away and accept the unfairness life brings. You do have the option to take action. You do not have to be a gas-station hot dog and keep rolling over as you wait to be consumed. It's not that.
And I do care, though some things I cannot care about. There are some things I cannot be concerned about. There isn't enough emotional bandwidth or time to be able to care about everything.
I'm not concerned with whether you're OK with it, life's unfairness. I'm concerned with whether you're capable of dealing with it. I’m not even concerned with whether or not you believe this is accurate. I'm concerned with what you will do if, in fact, they are accurate.
That’s a lot of concern. I’ll be done with that word now.
Here’s the issue: things happen. Bad things happen to good people. Good things happen to bad people. And oftentimes, in wholly disproportionate ways.
You're sitting there thinking, "This really sticks in my craw." And you're not wrong to feel that way. It's a perfectly natural response. It’s unfair that life and what comes with life is unfair.
But, my dear, that's not the battlefield we're standing on at this moment. Our current quest is not about bemoaning the unfairness but recognizing its existence. With eyes wide open to these truths—the glaring injustices, the stark differences in treatment and reaction—we muster the strength to tread onward.
Sure, it's going to rub you the wrong way, especially when it's you on the sharp end of the stick. But if we dive into the whirlpool of feelings before we even identify what we're dealing with, then, my friend, we've got a longer, albeit necessary, conversation ahead of us.
Imagine, if you will, that life's a grand stage where fairness, or the lack thereof, plays the lead role. Now, when the spotlight of unfairness shines on you, casting shadows and leaving you with less than you reckon you deserve, it's natural to feel the sting. You're supposed to. It's part of the human condition.
But, let's flip the script for a moment. What if the scales of life tip in your favor, not by merit, but by sheer luck, or a twist of fate? Suddenly, you're on the winning end of unfairness. What then? Do you pocket your windfall, or do you step back, questioning the morality of your gain?
Here's the rub—I'm not the guy with a playbook for every turn you'll face on this winding road. My role isn't to spoon-feed you answers but to arm you with questions that challenge your perspective.
Understand this: life's fairness, or lack thereof, isn't just about how it makes you feel. It's recognizing its presence in our lives, acknowledging it dances on both sides of the coin. This realization won't solve the riddles, but it might just help you navigate them with a bit more grace and wisdom.
Remember, the essence here isn't in finding a one-size-fits-all answer but in being mindful of life's dual nature. It's about understanding that the unfair advantage you hold today could be tomorrow's lesson in humility.
Keep your heart open, your conscience clear, and, above all, strive to tread this unpredictable path with integrity. That's the real challenge and, perhaps, the greatest lesson life's unfairness has to offer.
Life is complex. You will not correct all unfairness. Do what you can with what you have and what you can affect. That’s it. More is not possible.
Right now, what we should focus on is that there are disparities between how certain people are seen, or how certain people are heard, or how certain people are accepted and spoken to treated in general.
You'd be hard-pressed to find somebody that wasn't, at one time, a part of some group that has had unfairness bestowed upon them. You’d be hard-pressed to find someone who hasn’t experienced tragedy. And tragedy, at its root, is unfair. It’s unlucky. It’s tragic.
There’s something not fair about a child losing a parent. There’s something not fair about a parent losing a child. Even those two instances, when compared, are wholly dissimilar on the fairness scale.
They show the perils of comparison regarding what’s fair and unfair, how things are fair and unfair, and why things are fair and unfair. If we simply harp on this concept and wait to prepare ourselves until we work all of it out we will never be able to begin.
There's too much to unpack, to work through. We must focus on the understanding that unfairness is the rule. By all means, work to change that. But before you do, prepare yourself for the present reality. Prepare yourself just in case I’m right. Prepare yourself just in case you cannot correct all disparity, unfairness, and inequality.
All we can do is try our best in the face of unfairness, adversity, and disparate starting points. In that attempt we can, and probably should, include an attempt to provide or allow things to be as fair as we can.
At minimum we should work to provide a similar starting point. Though, as a side note here, if the only way to do that is to force some to start with a disadvantage then we have failed. Let’s be sure to elevate, not handicap.
Additionally, while we’re on the topic, you're never going to have an endpoint that is the same for everyone. It doesn't work that way. Just get that out of your mind. Keep it there, just, you know, tuck it back. We'll discuss that later.
Killing people generally is frowned upon. Forcing equality of outcome, historically and logically, requires much murder. We don’t like murder, so, don’t do the murder.
My daughters, please pay attention. You will have to work harder than, say, your average male counterpart, depending on where you're heading in life. When you're in the thick of a discussion, debate, or any form of intellectual sparring with someone from the male persuasion, understand this: not all will welcome your challenge with open arms.
The idea of being intellectually tested can, for some, be a tough pill to swallow. It's not always about the strength of your argument but how it's received on the other end. For you to understand this probably disparity has its advantages. For one, you're not going to be caught off guard. For one more, you can prepare.
There are advantages to being a woman, of course, that perhaps your male counterparts won't get. Yet in terms of leading people, in terms of being seen as a peer, or being given the benefit of the doubt, being chosen to lead in high-stress, high-pressure situations, well, you're probably going to be at what we would call a disadvantage.
Some of it will have to do with sexism. But as far as this goes, it is my interpretation and understanding, given my own experience, that sexism itself plays a much smaller role than you would think. So, yes, acknowledge sexism is there.
You will encounter that. But you will encounter that in small doses. You will encounter ego in much larger doses. Think grand doses, ones the size of the Grand Canyon. Never underestimate ego because when you do it will work to prove you wrong.
Imagine, you outshine a man, especially one who stepped up with confidence shimmering like a suit of armor. This blow to his ego? It's monumental, akin to social demotion, leaving him to grapple with the sting of humiliation. You needn't worry about feeling sorry for him, he'll recover. This is, yet again, one of life's disparities. Do what you must, succeed where you must.
And this truth isn't reserved for physical contests alone—it's equally stark in the realm of intellect. "Your wife bested you in an argument," they'll say, a statement far removed from the patronizing concessions of "happy wife, happy life." Here, it's not about letting someone win; it's about genuine defeat, a concept far harder to swallow.
This scenario, though, transcends the personal. Imagine a colleague, a stranger, or an opponent in debate coming to terms with being outmatched by a woman. It's an uncommon grace, a rare admission. As you navigate life, brace for these moments. They're inevitable, reflections of life's inherent imbalance, not meant to deter but to prepare you.
Life's canvas is broad, and on it, you might sometimes be brushed in strokes less favorable, judged not by merit but by prejudice. It's a bitter pill, this disparity, but it's the landscape we traverse. It's not about resigning to injustice but about recognizing it, ready to dismantle it, piece by piece.
Your path might be tougher, demands on you, higher. Society, in its flawed measuring, might expect more of you or less, based on nothing but the superficial. Yet, here lies your power—in the depths of understanding, in the resilience of your spirit.
Don't conform to expectations, shatter them.
So, as you face the world, remember: become so formidable that the very foundations of inequity tremble at your approach. Let no one's narrow vision define the vastness of your capability. Prepare, not because the path is easy, but because your spirit is unyielding.
And if the world seems unfair, remember, it's merely the stage for you to prove your mettle, to transform it with your touch. Injustice is not a sentence but a challenge—one you're more than equipped to meet head-on.
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Very good.
I can’t resist adding that I find the idea of fairness to be absurd for most applications.
It can be somewhat useful if you’re trying to have your own children share evenly.
But beyond that it is one of the most absurd ideas for dealing with daily life.
Dealing with the idea of fairness, logically, is as unreasonable as trying to establish a level of “normal” for anything.
“Happy wife, happy life” totally panders to women. It doesn’t patronize them. It’s a total simp statement by weak men who don’t know how to respectfully assert themselves. I hate when men capitulate like that.
I think it’s great to prepare your daughters for adversity. However, you never address the possibility of your daughters being biased, the aggressors, or tyrants in a situation; as we all are to someone else at one time or another. It sounds they are always in the right from your view.
There are situations where your daughters will have unjustifiable power over men and/or other women - and THEY will be the obstacle - in someone else’s story. Or, obstacles your daughters create for themselves through bad decisions and selfishness - where life’s unfairness is not always to blame.
What do you tell your daughters about these issues?