My Daughters, My Strength
Never Successfully, Always Intentionally, Forever Earnestly Attempting to Balance Love and Life's Challenges
Where love rules, there is no will to power; and where power predominates, there love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other.
To My Daughters,
Trust in yourself—always. My deepest wish for you is to be strong, resilient, and true to who you are, no matter what life throws your way.
Within you lies a wellspring of inner strength, a profound resource shaped by your experiences, both conscious and unconscious. It is this strength that will guide you through the trials of life, for the power of the psyche is greater than any obstacle you will ever face.
I’m going to annoy you. I’m going to make you angry. You’ll feel I’m not being fair, that I’m not listening, or even that I don’t care. In those moments, I’ll seem like the biggest antagonist in your story, a grotesque distortion of values, and the most blatant hypocrite.
But understand this—every frustrating decision I make, every boundary I set, emerges from a place of both love and fear. It’s not that I don’t trust you, my dears. Rather, it is the world I find difficult to trust, a world filled with uncertainties and shadows that lurk beyond our control.
This world is unpredictable, a realm of beauty intertwined with danger. The archetypal mother within me wishes to shield you from every heartache and harm, while the archetypal father within me feels the need to prepare you for the challenges you will inevitably face.
My overreactions, my worry, and my questioning are not reflections of doubt in your judgment, but manifestations of my deep-seated fear of the unknown—the unknown that holds the potential to bring pain.
The fear is not of you, but of the forces beyond, the complexities of life, and the individuals who may not yet comprehend the consequences of their actions.
I realize that my need to protect you might be perceived as a lack of trust. When I seem unwilling to listen, it is not due to indifference. Rather, it is my struggle to navigate the tension between the intensity of emotions and the stark realities of life.
Emotions are powerful forces—they can cloud perception, distort reality, and lead us into the depths of the unconscious where fear and love intertwine. This doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t valid—they are. But to discern between pure emotion and objective reality is a challenge I face, and for that, I seek your understanding and forgiveness.
In my attempts to protect you, I may sometimes grip too tightly when I should let go. I may close my ears when I should be listening more intently. I am flawed, as we all are, and I ask for your forgiveness when my fear overshadows the trust and understanding you deserve.
Yet, through it all, I want you to know that I believe in you—your strength, your wisdom, your ability to navigate this world. My hope is that you’ll find it within your heart to understand my actions, even when they appear irrational, and to forgive me for those moments when I let fear dictate my choices instead of faith in you.
I love you more deeply than words can express. You are the very center of my world, and my heart aches with the intensity of wanting only the best for you. Despite my imperfections, I hope you will always feel the depth of my love and know that, even in the moments of conflict, I am forever on your side.
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Thanks a lot. I lost my father just a month before his 53rd birthday. One of seven, I was 13. Alcoholism pervasive in my family. Unbeknownst to me, it shattered my world in every decision I made or situation I walked into. Now at 72, I’ve settled down for 25 years with a man I cherish. In recovery 37 years.
Thank you for loving your children. It’s the most important work you can do.
Thank you Andrew for this. It’s beautiful.
I have tension with two adult daughters right now. They don’t know what they don’t know but they think they do. The details are not important but it is what you just described. As a man my delivery of “reality” doesn’t always land. Sometimes it backfires and creates hostility . Living it right now and it is heart-breaking.
Much appreciated.