I'd agree with not rewarding bad behaviour with an attention grabbing reaction. I wrote an article about how we often end up mirroring behaviour that touches on that destructive feedback. But it's not always about coercion and control. Particularly with neurodiverse kids. Often crap behaviour is a sign that they just cannot cope with something - and that something can be totally unrelated to the subject of the outburst. Instead of ignoring them until they behave better, sometime's it's more helpful to make your reaction gently finding out what's really up....
I tell my kids as often as I remember to, THERE ARE ALWAYS EXCEPTIONS.
All you have to do is try and "forget" or basically ignore your own pre-conceived ideations on the subject and look back the other way for the answer.
It's a bit more convoluted than that, but you're 100% right.
If your kid is OVERLOADED, some tenderness and understanding will serve you well.
I have 2 out of 4 (maybe 3 but he's 4 so not sure yet) that have different things that overload them. And when that happens, ignoring them sends them deeper into the chaos their minds are creating.
But when we address them calmly after allowing a second or two to process, and we look directly at them (trying to avoid having a stern face, which is a battle) so they know we're seeing what's happening, we guide them back to an understanding and some calm.
At least, that's what we attempt. Nothing will work 100% of the time.
I love this comment. What a great addition to the knowledgebase of this piece!
I'd agree with not rewarding bad behaviour with an attention grabbing reaction. I wrote an article about how we often end up mirroring behaviour that touches on that destructive feedback. But it's not always about coercion and control. Particularly with neurodiverse kids. Often crap behaviour is a sign that they just cannot cope with something - and that something can be totally unrelated to the subject of the outburst. Instead of ignoring them until they behave better, sometime's it's more helpful to make your reaction gently finding out what's really up....
https://open.substack.com/pub/myfreedomswings/p/choose-what-you-mirror?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android
This is quite important.
There are distinctions here.
I tell my kids as often as I remember to, THERE ARE ALWAYS EXCEPTIONS.
All you have to do is try and "forget" or basically ignore your own pre-conceived ideations on the subject and look back the other way for the answer.
It's a bit more convoluted than that, but you're 100% right.
If your kid is OVERLOADED, some tenderness and understanding will serve you well.
I have 2 out of 4 (maybe 3 but he's 4 so not sure yet) that have different things that overload them. And when that happens, ignoring them sends them deeper into the chaos their minds are creating.
But when we address them calmly after allowing a second or two to process, and we look directly at them (trying to avoid having a stern face, which is a battle) so they know we're seeing what's happening, we guide them back to an understanding and some calm.
At least, that's what we attempt. Nothing will work 100% of the time.
I love this comment. What a great addition to the knowledgebase of this piece!