When All Are Blaming "Them", Focus On Us

Be a neighbor.

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If —

By Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you   

    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,   

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

    But make allowance for their doubting too;   

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;   

    If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;   

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

    And treat those two impostors just the same;   

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

    And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

    To serve your turn long after they are gone,   

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,   

    Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

    If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,   

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,   

    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

What a wonderful poem. It has just about everything you need. There are a few lines in there that deserve more attention, particularly the beginning: if you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you. If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, but make allowance for their doubting too.

Right now, we have large groups of people on either side of every line, to an extreme. There’s wisdom in these words. Keep your head on your shoulders. Don’t lose your mind. Don’t start spiraling, freaking out, or assuming everyone is out to get you just because something didn’t go the way you wanted.

Wouldn’t it make more sense to trust your neighbor—or at least give them the benefit of the doubt—more than someone thousands of miles away making blanket statements? We’re losing our heads by lumping people into groups based on what someone else says. That’s not community. Get to know your neighbor before passing judgment.

Conversations about life, kids, or even grass maintenance build bonds. They matter more than political arguments. If you want to lose your community, that’s a fast track. History shows us how dangerous it is when neighbors are turned against each other. This “us vs. them” mindset is poison. Them is a boogeyman—a label given by someone who doesn’t know your reality. It’s your responsibility to question that narrative.

Be the stable presence in your community. Stand as a reminder that chaos doesn’t have to spread. Division destroys, and trusting strangers over those who live beside you makes no sense. Meet your neighbors, even if the first impression isn’t perfect. Build those connections; don’t let external forces define your community.

Sometimes people are just wrong, and that’s okay. But stop trusting voices that don’t know you or your world. Instead, go talk to the people around you. It’s not about agreeing; it’s about understanding. And even if your neighbor isn’t receptive, at least you tried. That’s a better legacy than blindly following the noise.

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