I read your stuff, but I don't write often. It's difficult to see what a good father you are and think about what happened in my childhood. I was reminded, because of my EMDR therapy yesterday, of a moment when I kind of ran away (but only in an apartment building - not outside). I eventually went home because of learned helplessness, I realized nothing I could do would change anything. I was going to have to go to my dad's house for the weekend.
I was going to write here that it wasn't abusive, but I think it felt like neglect, and I should stop trying to minimize what I went through. It's just a different kind of abuse. It seems like that's a time when I should have been comforted, and maybe listened to, and maybe things could go differently. But I learned that it didn't matter how I felt, I just had to do it. I wish I had felt that kind of love you have for your children.
It's okay. I was not writing in order to get a response. I just wanted to let you know, if you mean what you say (which I'm not doubting) that goes a long way. You're doing the right thing, and it's very important to your children. They may never know what it would be like to be without it, so it may be difficult to articulate how much they appreciate it. I just wanted to let you know the importance.
And the article is helping to trigger old emotions (along with my EMDR) so I can cry about it and let that go. It's been repressed for a long time. So I'm thankful for that.
Sweet one. I’m sending you love from afar. How beautiful it is that Substack is not just for writing- it’s a mirror for those of us who wish to look at the reflection and use it to heal. ❤️
I read your stuff, but I don't write often. It's difficult to see what a good father you are and think about what happened in my childhood. I was reminded, because of my EMDR therapy yesterday, of a moment when I kind of ran away (but only in an apartment building - not outside). I eventually went home because of learned helplessness, I realized nothing I could do would change anything. I was going to have to go to my dad's house for the weekend.
I was going to write here that it wasn't abusive, but I think it felt like neglect, and I should stop trying to minimize what I went through. It's just a different kind of abuse. It seems like that's a time when I should have been comforted, and maybe listened to, and maybe things could go differently. But I learned that it didn't matter how I felt, I just had to do it. I wish I had felt that kind of love you have for your children.
So that you're aware, I've read this several times now.
There's a response to be given, I can feel it.
But nothing so far has been correct.
Not correct like a question on a test...
It has felt as though I am missing something, which I noticed was true a few of the times I re-read your comment here.
So I am going to keep reading it throughout the day today.
Perhaps no response is the appropriate one, but I'm going to take that out of the equation with this reply so I can move on from that possibility.
I truly appreciate your response here, Barbara.
Something about it feels necessary.
And I'll figure it out.
To clarify, there's obvious value on its face.
It just feels like I keep overlooking something.
It's okay. I was not writing in order to get a response. I just wanted to let you know, if you mean what you say (which I'm not doubting) that goes a long way. You're doing the right thing, and it's very important to your children. They may never know what it would be like to be without it, so it may be difficult to articulate how much they appreciate it. I just wanted to let you know the importance.
And the article is helping to trigger old emotions (along with my EMDR) so I can cry about it and let that go. It's been repressed for a long time. So I'm thankful for that.
This helped the revelation.
One of my most painful memories is of myself, in my old apartment, too hungover to get off my couch and play with my daughter.
Which was a somewhat regular occurrence at the time.
I like to think I don't hurt her like that anymore.
Like I can't, or won't.
But I imagine that's not true.
Neglect is something I try and avoid, though it is difficult.
I am sorry you had to go through that.
As you work through those emotions, feel free to reach out if you need someone to just listen. Someone who has been on the other side of the neglect.
I love how much you care to not repeat behaviour you know causes harm. ❤️
I will consider that. Thank you.
Sweet one. I’m sending you love from afar. How beautiful it is that Substack is not just for writing- it’s a mirror for those of us who wish to look at the reflection and use it to heal. ❤️
Everything in life is that mirror if we let it be. Thank you very much for the love vibes. ❤️
Beautifully written. I’m new to SubStack and you’ve given me another option of sharing my writing. I humbly thank you.
Wonderful!
You’re welcome!
Share your enthusiasm for music. IMHO it is one of the languages of God.