This is where my head went immediately. I think society has pushed it too far the other way that makes it seem like its admirable to break down in public but noone wants or admires that really.
Now, I would like to at least cast a quick glance toward the other side of this issue. Let me take what is said as a given but...
There is still a value in the expression "Big boys don't cry", even as applied to men. Having worked on the ambulance and in an emergency room... so seeing deadly circumstances both in the field and in the hospital... there is a very valid role for someone who, despite the fact there is something going on which could cause huge emotional upset, and the natural resulting lose of emotional control and behaviour... is able to control their behaviour and, at least, the way those emotions work themselves out. Is able to do the hard thing at the hard time cooly. Who can order men into their death in battle without losing control. Who can perform CPR on a four year old.
And in the context of the family there is a need for a strong man who can be the rock on which his family clings during times of crisis.
Jos 1:7 Only be thou strong and very courageous, that thou mayest observe to do according to all the law, which Moses my servant commanded thee: turn not from it to the right hand or to the left, that thou mayest prosper whithersoever thou goest.
There is more to be said on this topic. Men should cry, yes, but at the appropriate time. There is value in being stoic and controlling emotions during a crisis when other people (family specifically) need us to be strong, calm, controlled. To fend off the danger, or hold space for others to have their emotions.
It’s also important to recognize that men process emotions differently than women. Men are not defective woman who need to learn how to get emotional. Rather, men need the space and the permission to let go. To know that, at the right time, this won’t be seen as weakness.
I recall my Father-in-Law at my bringing my bride down the aisle, eyes toward heaven so the water welling up wouldn’t spill out. A VietNam veteran who I would never question his manliness, made me understand how much he loved his daughter!
Stereotypes are such harsh molds to pour a newborn boy or girl into. The job of parents is to love their child and nurture all that they can be. I was an educator in New York, both teacher and Head of the Elementary Divison of the Riverdale Country School. In the kindergarten classes was a chart of all the different feelings a human being has and it was not divided by any sexual distinction.
Thank you for your thoughtful and tender piece. A child confined to a wheelchair would be a source of pain for any feeling parent whether or not they have a tendency towards being stoic.
It's not that real men don't cry. It's just that they don't cry in public.
Real men have emotions. They just tuck them away until they are alone or with the family.
Each time I've lost family members, I've held the pain until I was at home, then I cried.
It's just something that some men are trained to do.
This is where my head went immediately. I think society has pushed it too far the other way that makes it seem like its admirable to break down in public but noone wants or admires that really.
Enjoyed the post
Now, I would like to at least cast a quick glance toward the other side of this issue. Let me take what is said as a given but...
There is still a value in the expression "Big boys don't cry", even as applied to men. Having worked on the ambulance and in an emergency room... so seeing deadly circumstances both in the field and in the hospital... there is a very valid role for someone who, despite the fact there is something going on which could cause huge emotional upset, and the natural resulting lose of emotional control and behaviour... is able to control their behaviour and, at least, the way those emotions work themselves out. Is able to do the hard thing at the hard time cooly. Who can order men into their death in battle without losing control. Who can perform CPR on a four year old.
And in the context of the family there is a need for a strong man who can be the rock on which his family clings during times of crisis.
Jos 1:7 Only be thou strong and very courageous, that thou mayest observe to do according to all the law, which Moses my servant commanded thee: turn not from it to the right hand or to the left, that thou mayest prosper whithersoever thou goest.
Most certainly.
I know that's not a substantive response, but I agree fully.
Yeah, probably deserves a whole post or letter exchange :)
Really does, doesn’t it.
Now, I grew up with the expressions, "Real men don't eat quiche" and "Big boys don't cry".
But what was meant by that last was not what we see in this article, but the toddler like crying of 'I didn't get my way'.
Cause in the Christian faith we read about, and imitate, Christ. And we all memorized the shortest Bible verse: "Jesus wept".
Cheese and crackers, yes!
Andrew, if you could see me now, you'd see my tears. If you could hear me, you'd hear my applause. WOW. JUST so much fucking wow.
There is more to be said on this topic. Men should cry, yes, but at the appropriate time. There is value in being stoic and controlling emotions during a crisis when other people (family specifically) need us to be strong, calm, controlled. To fend off the danger, or hold space for others to have their emotions.
It’s also important to recognize that men process emotions differently than women. Men are not defective woman who need to learn how to get emotional. Rather, men need the space and the permission to let go. To know that, at the right time, this won’t be seen as weakness.
You forgot to add "when Rory McIlroy finally won The Masters" 😢. There were many stoic men crying this weekend....
I SHOULD do something on this!
Why sports do what they do or something.
Because yeah. Moments like that are magical.
I have one in the chamber on this if your're interested. Been on my mind for a while
Always am, good sir.
I recall my Father-in-Law at my bringing my bride down the aisle, eyes toward heaven so the water welling up wouldn’t spill out. A VietNam veteran who I would never question his manliness, made me understand how much he loved his daughter!
Stereotypes are such harsh molds to pour a newborn boy or girl into. The job of parents is to love their child and nurture all that they can be. I was an educator in New York, both teacher and Head of the Elementary Divison of the Riverdale Country School. In the kindergarten classes was a chart of all the different feelings a human being has and it was not divided by any sexual distinction.
Thank you for your thoughtful and tender piece. A child confined to a wheelchair would be a source of pain for any feeling parent whether or not they have a tendency towards being stoic.
Dad told me not to cry as a kid, but during the custody battle for us kids, he cried a lot. My wife often says I only really cry in front of her.
That's because I'm the most open with her.
I shed a tear watching my son move from the little kids' part of the kid's church to the Kindergarteners. I'm a little wet now, remembering it.
Tears heal... Especially when you see or hear something good as you are crying..
Smiling through tears is Especially healing...
I have done that, but I might just be an odd person?? I am not sure anymore... ~Peace~