Don't Be A Dick, Or: How To Avoid Unnecessary Anxiety
Some parts of life CAN be easy.
Cheating is nothing to be proud of.
Be Ye Not A Dick
Some weeks ago, while indulging in my occasional pastime of scrolling through memes, I stumbled across a gem that caught my eye. The image depicted a relaxed man leaning back without a hint of worry, paired with the caption: “Me when my girl picks up my phone because I’m not a piece of shit.” It was a casual, humorous meme, but it struck me in a way that lingered long after the laughter.
I ended up going ahead and using the meme itself as the thumbnail for this piece, as you can see. But who edits writing anyway?
That’s the thing about memes. They’re a peculiar form of modern storytelling, snapshots of collective consciousness that blend humor, sarcasm, and truth. Beyond mere entertainment they reflect our society, often holding a mirror to our collective quirks, flaws, and aspirations.
This meme, for instance, subtly addressed a profound cultural expectation: the normalized anxiety that many feel when their partner touches their phone. And why? Why should it even be a thing? What kind of world have we created where basic trust feels revolutionary?
Let’s unpack this a little.
The Root of Anxiety
The anxiety highlighted in the meme isn’t born out of thin air. It’s a symptom of broken trust, dishonesty, or selfishness—sometimes all three. A partner grabs your phone, and your heart skips a beat. Why?
Because you fear discovery. You’ve done something—flirted with someone else, sent a questionable message, or behaved in a way that you know breaches the boundaries of mutual respect. And when your integrity wavers, anxiety follows, a constant, nagging companion whispering, What if they find out?
But here’s the liberating truth: You don’t have to live that way.
The Revolutionary Idea: Don’t Be a Jerk
This is where the meme’s message resonates loudest. There’s a foolproof way to avoid the spiral of stress and paranoia: don’t be a jerk. In this specific context, it means don’t cheat, don’t lie, and don’t engage in shady behavior that compromises trust. Yes, it really is that simple.
Whenever the temptation arises to stray from your values, repeat this mantra: Don’t be a dick.
It’s timeless advice, equally applicable to romantic relationships and life in general. Good people don’t just refrain from terrible actions; they actively cultivate kindness and integrity. Let’s expand on this principle with practical examples:
Easy Ways to Avoid Being a Jerk (and the Anxiety It Brings)
Be Honest About Your Intentions
If you’re in a committed relationship but feel tempted to stray, address the root cause rather than act impulsively.
Talk openly with your partner about your needs or challenges. Honesty, while uncomfortable, prevents long-term heartache for both parties.
Respect Boundaries
A no-brainer. If your partner has expressed discomfort about certain behaviors—flirty banter with co-workers, excessive secrecy about your phone, or ignoring their emotional needs—don’t dismiss them as overly sensitive.
Respect builds security; dismissiveness breeds doubt.
Stop Gaslighting
When someone brings up an issue, listen. Gaslighting, or making others feel irrational for their feelings, is manipulative.
Instead of saying, “You’re crazy for thinking that,” try, “I see why you’d feel that way—let’s talk about it.” Honesty and empathy reduce tension.
Be Transparent with Technology
If you’ve got nothing to hide, then act like it. This doesn’t mean handing over passwords or forfeiting your privacy, but being open when questions arise.
A simple, “Sure, you can check that message—I’ve got nothing to hide,” speaks volumes.
Practice Small Courtesies
Hold the door. Say “thank you.” Smile at strangers. It’s astonishing how these tiny acts of kindness brighten someone’s day and, by extension, your own.
The reverse is true—rudeness erodes goodwill and leaves you swimming in negativity.
Own Your Mistakes
Everyone screws up. It’s how you handle it that matters. If you’ve hurt someone, don’t dodge responsibility.
Apologize sincerely, explain your actions, and take steps to ensure it doesn’t happen again.
Check Your Ego
Many conflicts stem from pride—an unwillingness to admit fault, forgive, or compromise.
Keeping your ego in check allows relationships to flourish without the tension of unspoken resentment.
Avoid Gossip
Talking behind someone’s back might feel gratifying in the moment, but it sows distrust and negativity.
When in doubt, ask yourself: Would I say this if they were here? If not, keep it to yourself.
Why It’s Worth It
Imagine a life without the weight of self-inflicted anxiety. Your phone buzzes, and instead of panic, you feel calm. Someone critiques you, and instead of defensiveness, you respond with grace. Your relationships are healthier, your conscience is clear, and you sleep soundly at night.
All this is achievable by choosing to act with integrity—by not being a jerk.
Memes might reduce this philosophy to a punchline, but its wisdom is timeless. Living honestly and treating others with respect isn’t just about avoiding the label of “asshole”—it’s about building a life where anxiety finds no foothold.
And that, my friend, is worth more than any fleeting thrill dishonesty might bring.
So the next time temptation whispers in your ear, remember:
Don’t be a dick.
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Great article! I would say I think societal sensitivity has definitely contributed to that anxiety as well. Trust in general is hard to come by these days. And, while we may not believe we’re doing anything wrong, there is that worry someone will get offended anyways.
It’s still amazing to me that so many, rather than just being kind, go out of their way to be rude. They spend far more energy and time bringing someone down rather than just letting it go or choosing to be kind instead. And then they wonder why they’re anxious or upset most of the time.
It’s amazing how surprised people are to find out that my wife and I have each other’s phone passwords.
Even other married couples. The only thing we try to hide from the other is Christmas or birthday gifts.