When Cornered We Fight
Why do things get worse before they get better?
To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.
Be an Animal
Corner an animal and watch what occurs. I do not advise this behavior, so keep that in mind. It will be traumatic for both you and whichever animal you ended up cornering, more than likely.
Now, compare that to cornering another person. The response is likely to be similar. There’s a reason for this and it’s universal. When your back is against the wall, you run out of choices. You can no longer run, you must push back.
When you cannot keep going backward, you must go forward. As it is unlikely you will be able to crash through the wall behind you, it is imperative you run through whomever or whatever is in front of you.
It’s either that or give up. But giving up leaves your fate in the hands of an entity willing to put you in that position in the first place.
An animal will prioritize survival. This is assuming there hasn’t been some other interaction that has sapped its will to survive, of course. But that’s also unlikely given it has to run to eventually become cornered. You’d need to get awfully lucky to find an animal that has cornered itself without input.
Humans will too. But this can have a downside like most things.
Pay Attention to Your Shadows
When we look at the corners around us, often we will notice shadows accompanying them. When the overhead lights are on, they disappear of course. That’s how light works. But when we don’t have the room fully illuminated from a central location they reappear.
This happens to us as well. What portions of yourself are you no longer paying attention to? What corners of your own mind have those cobwebs?
Turn on the lights and take a look. What is hiding in those shadows?
For me, anticipatory anxiety was a surprisingly large tag-along in my psyche. It still is, though it is growing smaller. But herein lies the problem in allowing these demons to grow. They take a while to sweep away, of course. But while you are attempting to get rid of them, to clean that corner, they are cornered themselves and tend to fight back.
They don’t want to go anywhere and your mind doesn’t want them to leave either. It’s a struggle. Why would your brain want to change? You’ve lived so long with this particular demon, so it must be beneficial in some way.
That’s the logic that gets us into trouble. And that’s the logic I am warring with right now. Why can I not convince my own mind that I am better without truly believing the worst case scenario will always come true?
Well, I can. And that’s the first step, knowing you can. That’s always the first step. Recognize your capability. It will take time though.
And that’s where I am, recognizing I can get my mind to listen. Which is nice. I have to coax it though. But that demon will fight back. It is cornered, after all.
It is cornered but so am I.
Either it will die or I will.
So it must go.
Regards,
Dad