The Will To Ignore
Sometimes information is difficult to hear and even more difficult to absorb.
The Library In The Trees
Life is hard, that is a theme here. Of course it is, it’s life. There’s not much you can do about the fact that it’s tough. There is plenty you can do to make sure it doesn’t get much tougher, at least for long. The decisions you make today will affect what happens tomorrow.
Now, how much will it affect whatever happens? Who knows. That’s also a theme here, the lack of foresight and understanding. I don’t care to give the impression I know everything. I much prefer to address the fact I know very little. How much trust can you give someone who claims to know everything?
Additionally, I try and write on what I know. I also seek out what’s interested in what I do not know. I miss a lot there, not everything is interesting, but luckily the section of “what I don’t know” is vast so I am able to journey into that realm with ease. I mean, it’s basically one step left and one step forward before I cross from what’s know to what’s unknown.
Most is boring, of course, but some of it is fascinating. There is something peculiar about journeying into the unknown that I continue to run across. There are areas that aren’t desirable to venture into.
Imagine yourself taking a jaunt into the local woods. We’ll assume it’s daytime and the sun is shining. The canopy is allowing that sun to play peek-a-boo through the leaves lighting your path well and this is one you know fairly well. You come across a fork in the road. To the right is the path you normally take, the left is dark and mysterious. There’s an oddly placed sign with some words on it. Luckily the font they used was comic-sans so you know it’s trustworthy. It reads “Library”.
You take the left because YOLO, obviously, and to your astonishment, it’s a flippin’ library in the middle of the woods. It’s outside, but the book are in good condition, all things considered. You start browsing and you see some things that appear familiar, but they are just slightly different than how you remember them being. Other sections are boring, for some reason these books are completely filled with bibliographical information and other combinations of letters and numbers that make you sleepy.
Occasionally though you see something that compels you to come near. An entire section of fanciful and enticing literary devices and tomes. How wonderful. The shelving looks scary and there’s a warning sign. It just says warning, so no worries. How bad could it be?
As you approach there’s dread. What could these contain? The closer you get, the more intense the feeling. As you get close enough to read the spines you start feeling off. As if something is wrong in your head. The more you read these spines, these titles, the more intense that feeling in your brain and it starts becoming painful. It’s odd, but you just know these are worth reading.
No, they’re not worth reading. They’re NECESSARY to read. You MUST read them. As you reach for a book there’s a voice that appears to come from within saying to back away.
That seems like a good time to listen. But perhaps there’s something you should know in those books.
This is how I feel when encountering information that challenges my own narrative. This is the feeling that happens to me when I see something that has the potential to shift my world view. Not all the time, but sometimes.
Occasionally I see or read something that would do that and nothing happens. I am unsure what to make of it except many times they turn out to be bunk, they’re bullshit. There must be some intuition there somewhere though perhaps I’m just lucky.
But when I get that awful, creepy feeling, I listen to it. Insofar as I am able, anyways. I do listen, but I look at it anyways. It’s awful, it’s painful. It makes me tired and it makes me sluggish. Sometimes it makes me feel like I want to vomit.
But I look, I read, I listen. As much as I can then I step back and take a break. I have to let it sit and digest. Then I go back again.
That’s growing. Not everything will be true, not everything will change your whole life and worldview, but being able to do that is a strength that you must foster.
It’s awful and annoying, but life can be awful and annoying so suck it up.
That’s all for now.
Love,
Dad
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