Taming the Elephant

Why Addressing Uncomfortable Truths Now Saves Tomorrow

Accept the terrible responsibility of life with eyes wide open.

Jordan Peterson

Taming the Elephant

We've all heard the phrase "address the elephant in the room." This idiom paints a vivid picture: a massive, unmissable presence that everyone pretends isn't there. In our lives, these 'elephants' are often the unsaid truths, unresolved issues, or unacknowledged problems.

The intriguing nature of this metaphor is not just the elephant itself, but the room. This room is our comfort zone, a space where we prefer harmony over conflict, silence over the disquiet of confrontation. But here's the thing about elephants and rooms – the longer the elephant stays, the less room there is for anything else.

Consider this: when an issue first arises, it may seem small – a baby elephant, if you will. At this stage, it's manageable. A conversation here, an acknowledgment there, and the issue is addressed. However, if we turn a blind eye, this baby elephant doesn't just sit idly. It grows, fed by neglect, misunderstanding, and time.

In the silence of unspoken truths, assumptions take root. Misunderstandings bloom into conflicts, and small gaps widen into chasms. Relationships, be they personal or professional, can bear only so much strain before they start to crack.

Early on, the problem is often more manageable. Think of it as a knot; the longer it stays, the tighter and more complex it becomes. Addressing issues promptly can prevent the buildup of misconceptions. Often, what starts as a small misunderstanding can spiral into a significant conflict if left unchecked.

When you confront issues head-on, you're showing courage and fostering an environment of transparency and trust. Every addressed conflict is an opportunity for personal and relationship growth. It's a chance to understand different perspectives and learn from them.

The relief of 'getting it out there' is immense. The energy spent in avoiding the issue can be redirected to more productive and joyful endeavors. So just do it. Jumping on it right away makes it more manageable, prevents misunderstandings, helps build and maintain trust, allows continued growth, and provides emotional relief.

Here’s where you ask, “Well that’s all fine and dandy, SIR, but how?”

Which I appreciate as it provides a wonderful segue.

The first step is to acknowledge that there is an issue. Denial is a comfortable blanket that offers temporary warmth but no real protection. That blanket can only blind you to the reality beyond until it catches up to you. After that there’s nothing but regret. So avoid denial.

While you’re avoiding that Egyptian river, consider timing your address to the elephant. Timing is crucial. Find a time when all parties involved are least likely to be defensive. While you want to address it as soon as you can, sometimes doing so immediately is a mistake.

And you will make mistakes in this. That’s something I should say as well. You will, for the rest of your life, be imperfect in this endeavor. There is no perfect way to do this and even if there was you won’t find it. That doesn’t mean don’t make an attempt, that just means when you fall short of perfection you didn’t fail. Making a good faith attempt, perfect or not, means you were successful here.

Be honest, yet compassionate. Honesty doesn't have to be brutal. Frame your words with compassion and understanding. Be sure to listen, too. This is not just about voicing your concerns but also about listening to others. True resolution comes from understanding all sides. Finally, focus on finding a solution rather than assigning blame.

Like the fabled elephant, unaddressed issues can dominate our emotional landscape, leaving little room for the joys and pleasures of life. Addressing them is seldom easy, but it's a crucial step in maintaining the health of our relationships and our own peace of mind.

Remember, the best time to address the elephant is when it's still small enough to lead out of the room. You don’t want to have to take an axe to the thing, it gets messy.

And you’re not destroying my room.

With love and understanding,

Dad

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