Fatal Equation
Fatalistic thinking can lead to a self-fulfilling prophesy.
Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.
Oh, what a life we lead. As a Dad, I do a good amount. This isn’t to toot my own horn, I am a Dad, I already think I’m the most awesome. Oh no, this is to criticize a tendency I have and to hopefully bring about some change.
I was working on the truck a few minutes ago. I just got back in, actually. It needs a brake change and I am the one to do it. However, there’s an issue…
Tools.
More specifically, a tool I swore I had that would allow me to safely and effectively remove a lower bolt from the caliper. I cannot find it, though I’m sure I have it.
I already had the truck jacked up, stabilizers on and chock blocks down. The wheel was off, lug nuts neatly placed in a line beside the wheel and the box holding my new pads was out, next to me, and open. It’s hot outside to boot, yet I was practically salivating at the chance to get this done.
The hood was up, the brake fluid drained by 1/3rd. I had pushed the pistons in and the only thing left between me and the sweet taste of brake victory was the damn bolt. That lower bolt on the caliper. Alas, all was for naught.
Man was I angry. I just knew my day was ruined.
But why?
I am fragile I guess. I am a thin egg shell or a previously shattered and repaired ceramic plate. Something along those lines.
I already KNEW what was going to happen. I was going to be grumpy, stay grumpy, live grumpy. I was going to text the wife telling her about it as a heads up and fair warning… “fair warning” is wholly unfair, honestly.
I just knew I was going to be upset the entire day.
Then I just asked why. That’s all. And I couldn’t find a good answer.
So I stopped. I resolved I wouldn’t be.
That’s not normal for me. That’s not easy. I’m not saying that’s all you ever have to do to keep this from happening.
But, maybe it’s worth a try. It worked for me.
After finally identifying my fatalistic thoughts, my resignation to unhappiness in time. I was also thinking about how things weren’t going to work out. How I wouldn’t pull myself out of the situation we’re in. The reasoning, despite not seeing a valid and obvious reason that’s a GIVEN, was because I never saw myself getting into this position either.
What a dumb equation. There is no substantial commonality there. So, shut up brain.
What is that?
I do have an answer for this one.
That is a fatalistic equation. It doesn’t have to make sense, you just have to be a victim. It doesn’t matter why you’re a victim, or who you’re a victim to, it just has to be that way.
That doesn’t mean victims have that tendency, that means people who aren’t victims, like me, have to tell themselves they are and that they always will be.
Which is dumb.
So I won’t do that.
Love,
Dad
I totally get it when it comes to repair work and just having to live out the daily grind.
That was a great description in your article of the mental trap we can all place ourselves in. Since about 7 years ago I had a major couple of life events that challenged me and as a result I started reading, studying, and doing my best to discipline myself with the practice of stoicism.
I went through a period of personal trials and shortfalls, but during this time I was fortunate enough to have had the opportunity to train in the martial art of Thai boxing. Training in this discipline helped me to calm that inner "doubt monster" as I call it in order to keep my mental attitude in check.
I found that when I trained in the discipline that the physical challenge from Thai boxing coupled nicely with the stoic mindset that enabled me to keep my attitude on the right track.
It requires a daily reminder, but I find that not allowing myself to get too high during the victories, as well as not getting too low with the defeats is what keeps that "doubt monster" locked away in its cage.
I endeavor to make it so.