Dad's Learning Part 9 (A Continuing Series)
Gratitude. Framing. Children having agency. Oh yeah, and publishing. Let's do it!
I am becoming more and more uncertain that “Dad’s Learning” is a good title for these. Growth happens. Therapy happens. It just seems clunky, bland, and awkward. It may change.
I do know one thing about me: I don't measure myself by others' expectations or let others define my worth.
This one went a little different than the others. The time still flew by but the biggest chunk of that had to do with my relationship with one of my children. I will not divulge that as she doesn't get a say. And given that, I cannot go into it feeling like I am doing the right thing. Know it has already paid dividends. Now, there were some revelations and some other points of growth. Annotations of growth to follow. I did want to give a bit of a preface to this piece explaining why it may seem bare.
But then again, I usually feel like the topics I write about will be short or contain little substance. I'm often surprised at the word count when I am finished.
So let me begin.
Goodbye, Zelda
Saying goodbye doesn't mean anything. It's the time we spent together that matters, not how we left it.
The start went as expected. I brought up Zelda passing on Monday. We had the session on Wednesday. That's a little fresh so she was top of mind. After a few minutes we moved on to gratitude, but how did we get there and how did we move on?
Well, I was going through the events of Monday. I got to the part where we were actually putting the poor, beautiful girl down. That still stings. But I mentioned my overwhelming urge to pray. And pray I did. I prayed in gratitude to God for blessing me with such a wonderful creature. I prayed aloud in thanks for allowing me to be with her during her last minutes and seconds. I prayed He would take care of her. Oh boy did I pray.
Effects of Gratitude
Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.
And once I mentioned gratitude my thoughts shifted. They shifted to the immense and wonderful impact that gratitude has on the mind. That was odd. I have experienced grief many times. I do not move on from the topic with any semblance of ease. To say it was easy to move on would be a bit generous though. The topic of conversation shifted without me knowing it. That was abnormal. But it was welcome.
Additionally I know I am not going to forget Zelda. There is not a way it could become reality without some catastrophic event befalling me. Some unavoidable tragedy striking all memories and love from my mind. That's was a fear. Not anymore. The difference? Gratitude. I need to play with that more because I cannot see an obvious correlation, but it must be there. It's the biggest difference I can put my finger on.
Publishing
Writing, to me, is simply thinking through my fingers.
This was an interesting turn in the session. I got a name and number for a publisher so I could speak with her and send some of my writings. This is very exciting, of course. I was able to imagine a scenario where I was able to get published. I was not able to imagine a plausible one. This has opened up my eyes to more possibilities in the future. I am trying to contain my excitement and temper my own expectations from this. I decided to send unadulterated pieces I have here on the substack that are part of the manuscript. That means they are still works in progress. They likely contain poor grammar. But I didn't want to send something I felt wasn't representative of where I was. But time will tell how that works out.
My Child is Not Me
You are free to choose what you want to make of your life. It's called free agency or free will, and it's your birthright.
This part is relevant. I need to work through these thoughts. Of course I am obfuscating a few details. Considering they relate to someone else, this seems appropriate. I didn't get her permission to relate personal details and I won't seek it either. I won't get personal.
This lesson is one I needed. She exhibits so many traits I did. But she is not me. I should not treat her like I was treated. It won't work considering she is not the same person. That seems logical.
What I should do instead is think about what I needed at that time. I should keep the structure she currently has in her daily life. I should use my experiences to try and assist in her journey. That is it.
I have also made it a point to tell her more often how great she is. That was another revelation. We get into arguments over nothing and I forget to tell her that she's an amazing person I am blessed to have in my life. I forget to tell her what I know in my heart. That was a huge mistake. So far there has been a massive difference in how we interact and it has only been a few days. Kids are magical.
Let us sacrifice our today so that our children can have a better tomorrow.
That's about it. Everything is a bit fuzzy right now and I am not sure why. There may be some excitement or some grief remaining but it is becoming difficult to differentiate the two. I will add more in a part two if I noticed I missed something.