Dad's Learning Part 8 (A Continuing Series)

Blessings abound yet gratitude does not. A focus on gratitude is long overdue.

Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world.

John Milton

After I read that Milton quote, I felt he said it all and everything below this was simply commentary on him. He wrote a book in one sentence.

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It has occurred to me that therapy sessions like these will not last a lifetime. With that I mean attending them, not the lessons that lie within. This is distressing on one end, yet encouraging on the other. While it means I won't have this particular outlet or support, it also means, hopefully, that I have grown as a man, husband, father, and person in general.

It should mean that I have gained the proper perspectives and tools to live my life purposefully and meaningfully. It should also mean that I am able to utilize those tools given to me and those lessons learned during the inevitable rough times in life. We will experience suffering, we will experience tragedy, we will experience hardships in life. The goal is to be able to get through them nobly and with strength intact. 

So as always, allow me to reflect on this past session. Last night was a good one. Of course there was plenty of one sided conversation. I do love to talk. But this time I heard my therapist more than I usually do, and I count that as a good thing. It is always useful to hear of the ordeals and perspectives of others.

I also found myself in the trap of waiting for my turn to speak instead of listening, as I know I should. I got to practice telling my brain to shut the hell up and listen, and it was successful... mostly.

Of all the characteristics needed for both a happy and morally decent life, none surpasses gratitude. Grateful people are happier, and grateful people are more morally decent.

Dennis Prager

So let's begin...

Now is the time for next steps. I have been working on simply writing, perhaps growing a reader base as I can, though I do not feel like I am doing things properly there. I certainly have no idea how to do that or what I am doing, but that's part of being the beginner, the novice, is it not? 

I certainly hope it is, and that the next phase is journeyman. Time will tell. But what I mean is next steps in life. Next steps towards purpose. My task, if accepted (and I do), was to pray and ask God for guidance on my purpose.

It was to ask God what I am really here to do.

I firmly believe in the power of prayer. You can even look at it from a secular perspective and see value in it, despite the obvious objections that may be running through your mind currently. Praying is verbalizing a question or intent. Generally they're used as requests, and that works too.

But think about it this way: if you are trying to figure something out, do you just sit and think? Most likely, but try verbalizing the question you have or the problem as it currently stands. Say it out loud. Saying it purposefully in your head is fine if you're uncomfortable for whatever reason. You will find there is far more focus and success at working out that problem or attempting to answer that question.

So then, if you ask someone else the question you are working on, do you not occasionally or even often end up answering it yourself? That is due to making that question manifest itself and making it concrete in your mind.

Suddenly you are able to work it out. I know this sounds a bit confusing, but in my head it sounded right. Which is also a part of this. Just because something sounds good up there in your head doesn't mean it sounds like anything but gibberish when spoken. To make sense of these things we have to make them real. To make them real, we say them out loud. Remember Genesis? Same concept.

So then, take it a step further. If we then point our question to God, wouldn't it stand to reason the effects remain from just talking to an empty room? Or even to a colleague or friend?

Only I submit it is a far greater effect. For you are posing it to a higher power or the ultimate being. The ultimate authority and Father. That has greater implications and creates more urgency for our brains to work things out.

Prayer is aligning ourselves with the purposes of God.

E. Stanley Jones

I see prayer as a precursor to epiphany and inspiration. The word epiphany has an interesting etymology too, which I would strongly encourage you to check out sometime.

And now, a look into what happens when your train of thought is interrupted:

During the writing of this piece, my son needed to use the bathroom. What a segue, right? You definitely saw that coming, but there's a point to this, stay where you are. Well, him needing to use the restroom ended up with him needing a bath. He wasn't gross or anything, but yesterday he got a shot at the doctors. They gave it to him in his thigh so he refused to bend it much. Well, that means today there's a great big knot where he got his shot so he is unwilling to bend it still. That's why I gave him the bath. I made it hot and worked that knot out with him none the wiser. He still refuses to put much weight on it, but he will finally hold his leg straight. But all that is an explanation of this next part.

In doing those activities I found myself with some time to think about what I had been writing and I realized I hadn't really prayed today. I had some thoughts and they were more or less directed at God, but I don't see that as praying. So I decided to do it aloud, with my boy there. I do love that boy. 

Appreciation is the highest form of prayer, for it acknowledges the presence of good wherever you shine the light of your thankful thoughts.

Alan Cohen

And so I said, "God, thank you for allowing me this beautiful day, and this beautiful boy, and this beautiful family." With that I thought I was done. It was then I remembered my old pup. Her cancer has returned and it's basically the end of her journey though I haven't told her quite yet. So after a short pause I gave him thanks for allowing her to be in my life and for me to have been able to accompany her in her life. And I felt that was right, as I should thank him for that, and I do cherish the time she has been with me.

All this is to say that prayer is a wonderful thing and can lead to many unexpected thoughts, realizations, understandings, and epiphanies. This may have seemed a small wonder, but why would it not count as one nonetheless? 

Prayer does not change God, but it changes him who prays.

Soren Kierkegaard

On to other parts of last night's session. 

"Gratitude and anxiety cannot exist in the mind at the same time."

"Gratitude and feelings of depression cannot exist in the mind at the same time."

This is what brought upon the question:

"What would happen if you started every day with gratitude?"

That's a great question, and I am hoping to find out. In fact, I will find out. I am hoping it can help change how I see my day, how I start my day, and how I spend my day.

This is a way to retrain my brain to default to positivity instead of negativity. It should lead to me handling events differently, hopefully in a more positive way. If productivity is what is important to me, how much time can this save? 

When you are depressed or anxious, it can be hard to get started. If I am starting instead from a sense of gratitude for the opportunity, how much more quickly would I begin? That's the thought process there.

How much more available would I be for those around me?

If I am depressed or anxious, my thoughts are pointing inwards, to me. They can be very selfish emotions. They are very selfish emotions. They are normal, as is selfishness, but that doesn't mean they're good. So if I am instead feeling gratitude for the blessing of having people around me, my family and my friends, how much more available and focused on them would I be?

To complain is always nonacceptance of what is. It invariably carries an unconscious negative charge. When you complain, you make yourself into a victim. When you speak out, you are in your power. So change the situation by taking action or by speaking out if necessary or possible; leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness.

Eckhart Tolle

"Do not speak negativity or defeat into existence."

Those are self-fulfilling prophecies, as the psychologists tell us. And they are right in my experience. I am guilty of doing this quite often. I need to quit. I will.

Words shape who you are, what you see, your reality, and hold the power of life and death. I should not count them as trivial and treat them as such. They are powerful.

And somehow we landed on this next thing I thought about. It may have been said before. In fact, it probably has many times, but it was an interesting thought.

"What purpose is there to living longer if you are not living with purpose?"

I think that's relevant. We strive to live as long as we can so let's also strive to live as good and purposefully as we can, right? And that's a good reason to talk to God about his purpose, his plan for you. If anyone knows, it seems logical he does. I intend on allowing him to guide me to it, whatever it is.

That will be what I write about sometime later this week. It may be today, but that's unlikely. I can normally write a few thousand words (read, 2000, unlikely to get 3000) but after that everything becomes gibberish. There are variations, but that's about it normally. But the topic and the goal will be to write on my purpose and what is next for me. 

Likely something centered on this last thought.

"I have been inches from death. I have been one step from having it all end. Yet I am still here. Why? What is my purpose? What is next? What am I to do with this blessing?"

Love,

Dad