Dad's Learning Part 3 (A Continuing Series)

We get to revisit self-forgiveness. I don't seem to have mastered that yet...

Well, a continuation of the past two weeks, here’s the assignment for this week. Self-love and self-forgiveness. I have written on that in the past, so here are some links:

Don’t Be Mean To My Child

Forgive Yourself

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The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

- Mahatma Gandhi

Self-Forgiveness

Recognize that mistakes are an essential part of your path, though not one you should repeat.

It’s unreasonable to continue to hurt yourself because you made a mistake. What is the point? What does it do for you or anyone else? What good are you dead or broken? You certainly cannot atone after that, you’re dead. Learn from it, don’t allow it to push you into making more mistakes because you’re too preoccupied with self-flagellation than looking forward.

It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. - Maya Angelou

Review what you did and what lead up to it. This is part of repentance and atonement. Asking for forgiveness, even to yourself, is better if you know precisely what you did.

It’s odd sometimes that we can find it easier to forgive others than we can to forgive ourselves. I have written on this topic before, but it is one thing to know it, to truly understand it and the benefits yet somehow a completely different and more difficult thing to implement it day to day.

Do as the heavens have done, forget your evil; With them forgive yourself. - William Shakespeare

There are some really important aspects to being able to forgive yourself... Though perhaps a more accurate way to write this is to myself, given this was an assignment given to me by my therapist. Here goes. It is important for me to forgive myself and love myself. I am quick to forgive and love others, though I cannot seem to truly grasp self-forgiveness. What is it I am afraid of? I think I know, but I am also unsure. That seems reasonable to me, but I am like that in other parts of my life that actually go well. What's the difference?

Well, allow me to ask myself some other questions then. What are you afraid of? I am afraid of a lot of things. I am afraid of repeating mistakes and dealing with the consequences of having done things I know not to. I am afraid that forgiving myself will allow me to creep back into the poor behavior I presented in my past. It is not a pretty past. It is a past full of disasters and pain. 

Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude. - Martin Luther King Jr.

It is a past that allows me to write these things for my children, however. It is a past that allows me to write these things for my children knowing full well I know what it is I am talking about. Nobody can tell me these tenants and rules and this guidance doesn't work to avoid disaster or pry yourself out of self destructive behavior. It is because I have been through it myself. This isn't theory. This has all been practice. My compass wasn't calibrated until my mid 20s. I fell hard and I fell often. Maybe this is another example of divine providence? Who knows, except Him. But I choose to believe it was. He knew I could take it and when I tried to end it He wouldn't let me. Now I get to watch my children grow up in addition to showing them and telling them how to live meaningful lives, with first hand experience. 

Well, that seems to be where it all lies, right? We make mistakes, we learn, and I have the privilege of passing this on. Odd that I can look behind me and see darkness and heavy, grey fog and think suffering but at the same time be thankful for that past but here we are. Maybe I forgive myself not because I am confident I will never make those mistakes again, but simply because I must. I must in order to be the example for my kids as I try to do with all of this.

Sounds like a plan.

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Love,

Dad

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Bible Verses

Hebrews 10:17

And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more.

1 John 1:9

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Mark 11:25

And when you stand praying, forgive, if you have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.

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