Dad's Learning Part 22: Act To Feel
We don't feel things to do things, we do things to feel things.
I must lose myself in action, lest I wither in despair.
Old News, New Reflections
So, let’s start with old news. I don’t enjoy repeating myself but this is a reflection on my therapy session and naturally that involves going over what we spoke about and what my struggles have been. I was sick, as you well know if you have read anything I have put out in the last two weeks.
I don’t do sick well, so I whine.
A lot.
It’s time for me to stop whining and start working. My brain has been draped in a fog. This was partly due to the sickness but not completely. I allowed it to happen by embracing self-pity. And I hate pity.
When I got sick I knew I was going to lose a few days of work. At least one, I thought, though in the back of my mind I knew it was going to be longer. I had plans that week and they were derailed.
Poor me.
I had made deals and worked to get myself in a position monetarily where I would be comfortable focusing on my book for the last stretch I am working on now. That was being threatened in my mind. I was only sick for a few days, keep that in mind. In my head it was different. In my head this was disaster.
I had also put out my first podcast episode and had plans for that. This is amongst other things I needed to get done and after a week in which I hadn’t gotten much done due to time commitments previously given. Yet again I saw disaster before it had the chance to happen.
And that vision of disaster kept my mind cloudy. That prognostication of the tragedy of my future disallowed my presence with my family during that time. Even after I got over the bulk of the illness I was still in that fog. In a sense I am still coming out of it. That’s intense.
But it was because I allowed the unknowable future affect the infinitely workable present. That’s dumb.
We cannot know what the future holds and we cannot change the past. There’s nothing I can do about that time lost due to sickness, that happens. It is a part of life and allowing it to derail what is to come would be foolish.
We can only work with what we have. What I have is an almost finished product, plenty of time, and a desire to see it through.
So I think I’ll take some time now to work on it.
Love,
Dad
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Dad