Dad's Learning Part 20: Channel Surfing

In life, chaos is guaranteed. How, then, do we chart a course for ourselves?

The Worst First

The quote we’ll start with today is actually one of my own. I’ll just put it in italics so it looks official.

“In life, chaos is guaranteed. How, then, do we chart a course for ourselves?”

For the record, I don’t have an answer for that question. I have many. I do not know which ones are correct or which ones are incorrect, I just know they’re answers. Do with them what you will.

That being said, I believe there’s a good chance what I have been writing has been on point a majority of the time. Now, is it a large majority? I don’t know. I would love to know, but that’s not always in the cards, so I have to live with it.

Which is

Really

Damn

Annoying.

But hey, such is life. So are unforeseen situations and unintended consequences, which I like to pronounce “Onion Tended Consequences”.

This week we spoke on fear of the unknown. Oh wait, no, ANXIETY.

I’m so effing done with anxiety it’s not funny. I have about five-hundred more f-bombs to drop about anxiety but I will spare you all. I have been trying to cut back on the cursing though at times all the ones I refrained from saying will come out chained together.

So there’s that.

I guess I’m frustrated. I’m frustrated I don’t feel like I have gotten where I want to be. I’m frustrated I have to worry about money and finding income. I am frustrated about bills. Not that we have to pay them, but that I have to think about it. That’s garbage. Agreements should be met, they are agreements. I am frustrated I have put my family in a position where I have to think about bills.

I know, it’s a blessed place to be living without worrying about bills. I was there, then I decided I wanted to “not hate everything I do”. Or some nonsense like that.

But let’s move on. Anxiety, you’re stupid. Bills that I have to think about, you’re stupid too.

There, I’m better.

So let’s talk about that stupid anxiety that’s stupid and I hate. Naturally, needs must be met before we are able to concentrate on, say, “frivolities”. Not having needs met and attempting an undertaking not related to those unmet needs will inevitably result in some anxiety. Perhaps that’s only for me, though I am sure that’s not true.

And how does anxiety manifest?

That’s an easy one. Imagine getting out of the shower nice and clean. You have to be clean because you have to attend your wedding or something of equal importance. Now, the shower is coin operated and you just used your last coin. No problem, you’re clean. As you’re getting ready for your wedding, this tall fella comes into your room. His name is Ain X. Iety. Clever, right?

Well, knowing you have no more shower coins and being a lover of pranks, he throws a shit sandwich right in your face. Day RUINED.

Apologies for the imagery there, but I think it works.

Now, you freak out. That’s reasonable because it’s gross and the day is important. You start going through every conceivable scenario as to what can you do and the implications of doing nothing. Your life is ruined!

Then you realize there’s no such person as Ain X. Iety. Somehow you imaged it all. But it was so real! You knew it had happened (or would). The day was definitely going to be ruined.

That seems to be the true nature of anxiety for someone with anything akin to generalized anxiety. It’s about 99% fabrication and 1% truth, but the 1% doesn’t GIVE ANXIETY SO WHO CARES?!

It’s odd. I went from being practical and reasonable to then BELIEVING all the worst case scenarios WERE GUARANTEED.

That’s LIKELY some pathological thinking, honestly.

But then I found the Bible. No, I RE-found the Bible. I keep reading it, but I never listen to what it says. If you took that literally I apologize, I do not read aloud when I’m alone. Maybe I should.

There’s a theme that shows itself over and over. That theme is basically telling you, or me, to let go.

“Hey, let go, be Gumby. Life sucks man, you just have to roll with it. Be like those turtles in Finding Nemo and enjoy the surf. Why do you think they yell ‘Righteous!’ over and over? They’re channeling me. It’s channel surfing.”

I am pretty sure that’s verbatim. I’ll have to check my sources.

Time to read some more and try to listen this time.

Until next time, friends.

Dad