Dad's Learning Part 1 (A Continuing Series)
I have been invited to explore my thoughts for therapeutic purposes. I intend on doing what is asked of me considering I sought out the advice in the first place.
As a forward, allow me to explain. I recently jumped back into therapy and I have been tasked with reflecting on the first appointment I had. When questioned I advised I do write occasionally and it was recommended that I write down my thoughts for next time. This seems like a swell idea, so here goes.
I’d like to tackle what was conveyed to me first. When speaking on the guilt I have and the faults I see in myself, she responded “The Devil’s job is to attack the mind”. She then went on to explain how this manifests in us. The mind defaults to the familiar, especially in times of anxiety, stress, and idleness. Unfortunately due to the nature of negative thoughts and experiences, the familiar tends towards past faults and traumas. Personally I reconcile that by thinking on my own experiences and realizing that I do indeed recycle those negative thoughts and events in my mind far more than I do anything positive or uplifting, so they would certainly be the familiar in my own case. These seem to correlate well with the next piece of advice given “An idle mind is the devil’s playground” which seems correct. We hear “Idle hands are the Devil’s plaything” and that seems to be attributed to interpretations of Proverbs 16:27-29 which appears to say something like “Evil or worthless men dig up evil and then make it manifest.” That seems to me to be how my mind works, at least. I may not be evil or worthless but I am also not naive. If I did nothing but dwell on those evil or worthless things I have done in the past they would certainly start manifesting the same environment today. In that case perhaps I would be evil and worthless, given enough time and self loathing. Nihilism is hard to escape once given in to.
The next portion we spoke on was feeling undeserving of the blessings that have come my way. Why should I have been able to lose my job but not succumb to destitution like so many others? Why was I the one who had such an amazing support structure around me they even made sure to guide me into preparing for the worst? Or that they stay with me despite feeling inadequate for not currently having a job? Why am I deserving of the love of my four amazing children and amazing wife? These thoughts hit me often and in force. She referred to Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose”. She also pointed out “God gets the glory, He knows your heart even when you don’t.” That struck me so I wrote this:
“He Knows Your Heart Even When You Don’t”
While you may not feel deserving, God knows what was, what is, and what will be. So despite you not understanding what He sees and knows, have faith that if you continue to follow Him and love Him you will eventually come to understand what He knew. Luck may not have anything to do with what has happened or come your way. Perhaps grace has been payed forward to you in the form of Divine Providence from God. Being deserving has nothing to do with it. Become deserving of your blessings as you are intended to do.
Finally she advised me to pray for the strength to get through this, so I shall.
Warm Regards,
Dad