Dad's Learning Part 14: Take Time To Grieve (A Continuing Series)
Don't push it down, it will come back to harm you.
The greatest legacy one can pass on to one's children and grandchildren is not money or other material things accumulated in one's life, but rather a legacy of character and faith.
Greetings
Well everyone, I didn’t have one of these last week, though of course I was still learning. My appointment with my therapist had to be cancelled due to some unforeseen issues on their end, but all is well, so no worries there.
A few things have happened since the last one of these, part 13. But we will concentrate on this week’s session first and foremost.
Of course, the way I started the session is asking if all was well, as is custom. But shortly after greetings were exchanged, I let her know that my grandfather had died and we went into things from there.
Pop-pop’s Continuing Influence
The people who influence you are the people who believe in you.
It was great seeing my family. That obviously conflicted with my other emotions on the day of his funeral. That isn’t a shocking revelation, but it needed to be said. I got to give great big hugs to all the people I have loved my entire life. That was healing in a way I wasn’t expecting.
I’m not sure what I expected, which is my default state when looking back at events. I should make it a point to write down expectations beforehand so I can remember. But it certainly wasn’t to start crying and to be unable to let go of my Aunt when I was giving her a hug. But it was cathartic. It all was.
And my uncle spoke during the service and that was fun and enlightening, really. I don’t remember a time he has had any difficulty getting his words out or seeming off when speaking, but he was having trouble here, understandably. That’s not a knock, I don’t know how one would get through that without being rattled a bit. He did a great job.
I feel rather odd about my memories of that day, of his funeral. I think they are how Pop-pop would have preferred them to be. They are good, happy memories mostly. Who else but Pop-pop to have a funeral where people can’t help but smile simply at the memory of a great man?
I also learned that a good amount of my tendencies in certain situations Pop-pop did as well. That alone was a blessing to learn.
Well this is turning into a Pop-pop piece. It would be a worthwhile one. But let’s move back to the rest of the session.
Briefly On Grief
Recovery begins from the darkest moment.
It’s likely obvious why everything lately has been about grief. I’ll keep this part short, considering I am also going to write a section about it as part 4 of Grief.
One thing I needed to learn during this period in my life is that I need to grieve. We have to take time to grieve and to address our grief daily. It is likely most days there won’t be much to address. Sometimes there won’t be anything within reach that’s grief related. But taking the time to address it will show its importance during the times where we must because we are drowning in it. I found this out the hard way by allowing it to manifest in anger and horrifying thoughts.
Don’t push grief down. It will come back to harm you. Don't allow yourself to turn your grief into anger. When you suppress your grief, the pressure inside of you builds. This manifests itself by forming your grief into pain and your pain into anger. You're not making diamonds with that pressure. You're making a mistake.
Grief unaddressed leads to more grief.
And after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself restore you, secure you, strengthen you, and establish you.
1 Peter 5:10
But address your grief and watch the rest of your life open itself back up before you.
Next Steps
So now I am tasked with creating new goals to work towards.
That is one heck of a task for me. And I am looking specifically for tasks to pursue in therapy, or at least that pertain to therapy. This is rather daunting, but I will get it done.
Love,
Dad
Learned it the hard way.