Dad's Learning Part 11: Fishing in the rivers of the valleys of my mind (A Continuing Series)
Block time. Go fishing. Go through shit. Then say thank you.
I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality... I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word.
First thing’s first, I’m not longer going to fight against trying to look at things positively. Positively may be the wrong word, but I am going to default to the best case scenario and work back from there. I am a habitual worst case scenario thinker. But I have been far happier during the days I went to best case scenario or thinking the best possible way about people than during the days I default to the worst.
I need a deadline. Or deadlines. I am a crunch time performer, it appears. The best path forward is blocking time I can write in. During those times all distractions are gone and browsing is locked down. I am a wanderer. That is what I do. I love to explore either on foot or in my own head. This applies to the internet to. Give me new things to look at and you have my attention for hours. Or until hunger strikes.
The blocked writing method is a must for keeping on track with my topics as well. All this extra exploring is scattering the topics around in my mind and making it difficult to keep up with what I have written before. That's an issue. I write all the time, even when I don't have a pen and I am not at my desk. I write in my thoughts. I write in my sleep. I write while I am driving down the road. Everything is a lesson. Everything is a narrative. It is exhausting and it is wonderful. I love it.
I am grateful for it. And that is something I am blessed to have. For we know anxiety and depression cannot be present in the mind at the same time as gratitude. They are polarities that push against one another. Anxiety and depression are not the same, but they are cousins. They roll together.
They come when you allow what you are grateful for to be taken for granted or forgotten. They are the absence of gratitude. That doesn't make one a bad person, it means that what matters most has slipped from the mind due to the pressures of life. We just need to add it back. A simple prayer or outward expression of gratitude accomplishes this, though it isn't always simple to do.
It's damn hard to say thank you when you're going through shit. But do it anyways. Resolve to live anyways. And the first step to living is to push through those hard times.
Thank you to all the hard times I've had to go through to figure out how to manage them. You have given me ample experience to handle the ones I am to face in the future. In fact, I'm going through some right now and I want to thank those hard times as well because it's allowing me to apply the lessons I learned prior and give credence to the words I'm writing right now. I am genuinely thankful for them. They sucked and do suck, but they're valuable.
I have been going through the peaks and the valleys of excitement and motivation recently. Excitement and motivation specifically dealing with the future. There are time constraints here. Real ones and fabrications, but time constraints nonetheless. And there's life to juggle too. Somehow I must find balance. I will find it, I just hope I find it soon. These valleys are less fun.
But valleys have rivers and I love fishing. So I endeavor to use those valleys for whatever I can. What can those dips in my mood bring? Normally depression and poor health but that's not something I want to happen anymore. Perhaps they are opportunities for me to practice emotional intelligence. Opportunities for me to explore self awareness and self regulation. I like that better. And with that experience comes knowledge and wisdom. And mistakes, you have to have mistakes to be well rounded. That's what I will do. I will use the river of knowledge those valleys hold to lure out some awareness of self and regulation. Then I will bring those back up to the peaks with all of you and share what I have learned and gone through.
In fact, isn't that what I have been doing with these recurring writings this entire time? Diving into my depths, into my darkness, and bringing back the light found at the bottom of each? I hadn't really thought about it. But that's what I write about. The light you find and the light you must keep lit in the darkest part of the woods. Light will both bring clarity to and cleanse. Light is knowledge and truth. Where else can you find truth but through trial? Perhaps that's a question to dive into as well.
Maybe it's my season. Maybe it's my time to give something to people they need. Maybe that's why events have occurred the way they have. Divine providence, after all, is something I believe in fully. With all my heart I know there is little to nothing I can truly control, so why not go along and find out what I am on this earth to do?
Despise not the day of small beginnings, after all. And writing has definitely been that small beginning for me.
Psalm 119:9-16 How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to Your word. With all my heart I have sought You; do not let me stray from Your commandments. I have hidden Your word in my heart that I might not sin against You. Blessed are You, O LORD; teach me Your statutes. With my lips I proclaim all the judgments of Your mouth. I rejoice in the way of Your testimonies as much as in all riches. I will meditate on Your precepts and regard Your ways. I will delight in Your statutes; I will not forget Your word.
Small beginnings require dedication and commitment. But why not take advantage of a beginning? Let's see where it leads. We just have to remember to keep going.
Love,
Dad