Dad Explains: Congruence And Others
Make sure you're willing to do what you ask of others.
Congruence
Carl Rogers happens to be a huge fan of mine. I figured I would give him a shoutout because I certainly appreciate all of my fans. Unfortunately for us all this young man actually died about a year before I was born at the age of 85.
A humanist and a psychologist he has had a profoundly positive effect on how I see myself, see the world, see others, interact with others and understand humanity itself. Read some of his work and pay attention, it will help you too.
Practice active listening and you will learn more about the world around you than you ever thought possible. Well, active listening as Rogers understood and put forward that is.
Another concept of his I try and stay cognizant of (psychoanalysis Dad-ism, you’re welcome) is his idea of congruence. Naturally this is likely an expansion of ideas from lost years and many others throughout history, but what isn’t? Congruence is about matching your actions and how you live as closely as possible to your ideal self and ideal existence.
That’s a worthy goal, pursue it.
Others
Andrew is my name and ambiguity is my game. Sure, this isn’t great for clicks or accurate Google searches, but it’s fun. Others here refers to people other than you. Simple, really, but everything is simple once the answer is discovered.
I know there are concepts like this out there already. My issue is finding them and figuring out what they’re called. So, for now, this is congruence of self applied to others.
You have an ideal and you try and lead your life as close to that ideal as you can. That’s congruence. For this, we apply congruence to how we interact with those around us. If we have standards why would we ask anyone else to do something that doesn’t live up to those standards?
Mostly this would apply to moral standards or even our values. This also applies to how we live and not expecting others to live outside of your own ideal as well as being at peace when they do. Other people, by and large, are none of your business.
They can be your business in some situations. The way they live your life, not so much, but we must interact with others. One key point is making sure you do not ask others to do what you are unwilling to do yourself. If you’re gainfully employed and have coworkers or employees this applies more often than if you’re like me and just write things on the internet.
If you wouldn’t dare break a law or a rule, don’t ask anyone else to do it for you. Obvious, right?
It’s a simple concept with an overly complicated name.
Practicing What I Preach
With that title the concept I was trying to find hit me. This entire piece is about practicing what you preach. Being willing to do the hard stuff especially when you’re in a position to tell others they should too.
I put it as a header to bring attention to it. It’s a simple rule and simply put. That should assist me in remembering what it is for later.
With that, I’m off to do some of that by cleaning up a few things I left out earlier.
After all, how can I ask my kids to clean up after themselves and expect them to if I am unwilling to do the same?
Love,
Dad
Hi there,
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Andrew Ussery
Dad