Checked Out
How to un-dumb when you dumb.
Live all you can; it's a mistake not to. It doesn't so much matter what you do in particular, so long as you have your life. If you haven't had that what have you had?
I’m Sorry, Love
Hey. Pay attention.
I love you.
Don’t think for an instant you’re getting rid of me that easy.
Not that you would want to. Dad is just dumb sometimes.
It’s an affliction of mine I wear for all to see. Now, that’s not always by choice. You see, when you get the dumbs, as I do from time to time, you don’t always notice.
Sweet love of mine, sweet child, I was checked out. Though not consciously. Think of it as an overcorrection of the dumbest order.
“Oh hey, I am stressed and don’t want to pass that stress on to others around me.”
Okay, good start Dad. Let’s see where you go with it.
“So I think I’ll take some time to get my head right.”
Hey, great idea!
“Well, that first five minutes didn’t put me completely at peace so now I am going to develop a habit of thinking and trying to keep a stoic expression while doing brainless activities to keep the thinking to a minimum.”
Uhhh…
“And when my ‘Peace’ is interrupted I am going to get grumpy immediately and lash out unreasonably at those around me.”
Okay, hold up…
“And I’m going to forget the reason I decided to try and work through my stress in the first place.”
Now hold on there, cornflake. That’s dumb.
Let’s take a step back here, Dad. You don’t want to hurt your family due to what you’re worried about so you decide to separate, though not physically, from those around you and lash out when there is an interruption in that separation?
What about during those times they were attempting to build a bridge across the chasm you created. The chasm that was, seemingly, intended to ensure they did not get hurt by you?
Couldn’t you instead, oh I don’t know, just accept you’re stressed, tell them there’s some stress, and get the hell over yourself?
That’s not overly reasonable but that’s okay. You are a father. You don’t get that luxury. You don’t get to deal in the reasonable or the comfortable. It’s your job.
Additionally you could stop being so inwardly focused. That’s something you know to avoid yet you did it anyway.
Why?
Because you’re FLAWED.
Shocking.
Now get up, wipe the dirt off, wipe the tears away, compose yourself and get back out there.
Apologize.
No, do it right. What are you sorry about?
Checking out, that’s right.
And being a dick.
There, that’s better.
Alright, now a big hug.
Perfect, let’s get back to it.
And remember this for the next time.
Don’t be dumb.
Don’t make the cure worse than the affliction.
Because that’s dumb.
With Love,
Dad
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Dad