Anticipatory Anxiety and Examining the Evidence: Core Beliefs

Core beliefs and their stranglehold on worldview. Happy Easter.

Do not abandon yourselves to despair. We are the Easter people and hallelujah is our song.

Pope John Paul II

The Cliff

I couldn’t think of another word for “starting point” as a header for this section so I went to the Googles. Some suggestions were “springboard”, “starting block”, and “jumping off point”.

This felt more dire, so I am calling it “The Cliff”. Because last session I may have jumped off something a but more dangerous than a linear section of ground.

Hopefully I have my parachute.

The therapist and I were having a conversation about anticipatory anxiety and were working towards a root cause. I can seize up when thinking about a deadline or an appointment or really anything that requires a specific timeline to be met.

Somehow we got to the subject of ER visits which appear to apply to the anticipatory portion. Thinking about it, she brought up how I felt about the potential for my children to get injured during play.

Now, I understand and accept there will be injuries during play. In fact, I try and allow it within reason because getting hurt is part of life and children need to know they can recover, because they can.

However, it doesn’t mean I have to like it. So that’s where they comes in. The lesson isn’t to like that they will get hurt or to want them to, or even that it’s inherently fine to break a bone.

It’s how I react.

The session ended and she needed to get to her next appointment, so I sent her my thoughts on some of the discussion with ER visits after an injury occurs.

I hate the ER.

I know the doctors and the nurses, by and large, do their best to get to everyone as they can. I know there are actual emergencies to take care of as well. But I have a hard time accepting I have done everything I can to help my children and to keep the suffering they feel to a minimum.

So I sent this after the session:

On the "ER Visit" thread we had during the session:

How can I tell I'm doing everything I can?

Is it simply getting them there?

But that led me to start thinking about WHY I would be thinking these things, because I do.

And it hit me, am I concentrating on the child or myself with these thoughts?

I am worried about fulfilling MY role and that is taking me away from actually carrying out that role.

So thinking about that, worrying about that, I am not THERE or PRESENT for my child, to comfort my child.

Instead they see me upset with the ER and the nurses and the situation.

That's when I should be tending to them, letting go of what I cannot control, and comforting them until they are able to be helped by someone who DOES have the capacity to assist.

By anticipating the worst case scenario for ME, I CREATED the worst case scenario for THEM.

And that leads to other issues as well. Does that push them to stop listening to me when I do try and give them what they need in order to live well or protect themselves?

If they see I cannot handle situations like that, why would they trust my advice FOR serious or potentially serious scenarios?

I am aware of the Oedipal Mother and the danger it poses to children when a mother cannot let go of their child.

What I haven't put together or chosen to face is my own inability to let them go, to stop protecting them from ME.

By being my own worst case scenario, I am also manifesting as theirs.

Wordy, I know. A shocker I’d be wordy EVERYWHERE, right?

That seemed to spur her on to sending me another worksheet (two more, but we’ll get to the other one when I do, I’m having some trouble with the first one).

That worksheet is titled “Core Beliefs: Examining the Evidence”.

As you can tell, I modified the title a bit for my own. Below will be the explanation for that.

Taking A Closer Look At Core Beliefs

Core beliefs refer to a person's most fundamental ideas about themselves, others, and the world. These beliefs shape how they perceive every situation and life experience they encounter.

Experiences change core beliefs, though gradually. Sometimes though, we have experiences that impact us far more than others in regards to those core beliefs. When we encounter information with an already established core belief, there are two standard responses. If that information appears to CONFIRM the belief we have, it gets incorporated easily and reinforces what we previously thought. It affirms our view of the world. If the information goes against the currently held core belief, it is generally ignored and easily so.

Another worksheet I have centers around this. One thing I try and do with these lessons is paraphrase to make sure I understand what I am working on, and I believe that helps center my thoughts around the exercise.

So that’s what the beginning of this section is.

Let’s get to it.

I am unsure how to start the core belief worksheet regarding this thread. This particular train of thought is giving me some REAL fits.

So, in the interest of transparency, I will add here what I sent her.

I am having some trouble with this core belief one. I know it's Sunday but I couldn't get it out of my head last night and it manifested in a few dreams, so I figured I needed to get this down on paper (or digital paper). Basically, I have a few that may be part of it, but they don't seem to fit like the example does.

Is it my need to be in control?

Is it my thought regarding worst case scenario?

Is it manifesting as my children's?

I may end up answering this on my own as I write this morning. No rush to answer this one. I felt compelled to ASK, much like a prayer, and Easter Sunday seems like a great time to do this.

Unfortunately I am still working through what it should be. But rest assured I will have the worksheet and the answers here for ALL to see.

Because apparently I am IMPERVIOUS to becoming embarrassed.

(I’m not, by the way, this is awful.)

But let’s cap this off with some Easter themed thoughts.

Fluffy Bunnies and The Resurrection of Christ

God loves each of us as if there were only one of us.

Saint Augustine

I truly believe those words from Saint Augustine. I don’t feel there’s a choice for me, either, though I am faced with two pathways.

Either I can believe and continue the attempt at living in a Christ centered manner.

Or.

I can ignore the call I feel and revert back to a life and path that actively avoids Christ and the church.

Of course I will take the Christ centered path. It is the only one well lit with signposts every once in a while.

The other trail is dark but WELL travelled. Yet I see numerous on-ramps from there to the one I’m currently traversing.

This is leading to my own path clearing as I mosey along. Which is wonderful.

I am confident this is the correct way now.

And I am thankful for the trials in my life that pushed me this way.

Warm Easter Regards,

Dad