A Declaration Of Fortitude In The New Year
Synonyms are fun, failure isn't as fun. Allow me to stop being a failure.
Wow, that subtitle was harsh, huh? But it’s true. Failure was and is constant here. But hey, that’s life, right? Please, allow me to explain…
Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man.
- Benjamin Franklin
Resolution
Ah, to be resolute. Steadfast in manner and deed, perhaps. To have determination, or to be determined. Or even to determine a path and to stick to that path. Resolution, the determining of that course of action and be committed to it. This is a worthwhile practice when starting something, like a new year.
It's interesting that this is a tradition for so many of us, to create a list of things to resolve or to be resolute in for this new year. I haven't bought into this in years. For a while now, I have told myself it was stupid. I truly had myself convinced of this with a silly, shallow argument. "If there was a goal or something that needed to be done, just do it. No need to resolve to do something simply by virtue of the year changing."Â
Well, obviously that's true, but that's not the purpose. That's not the point at all. The changing of the year, the entry into a new one, the relinquishing of the subjugation of the old one, that's an important factor. That old year could have been a miserable one, one where you felt trapped by the mistakes or missteps you made earlier. Perhaps some bad luck happened early on and everything snowballed from there. From a psychological standpoint, a new year could release those binds to the negative of the prior year. That's a big deal.
It's a symbol, a sign of the new and fresh. It's all potential which makes it a great time to allow your mind so go where it wasn't allowed at the end of the old. Didn't lose much weight this past year? Well, let's get back up on that horse and try again. The same could be said for many other resolutions. They're worthwhile, keep trying.
But I wasn't willing to. Not for a while. I told myself it was because I was logical. I lied to myself, or at least I was wrong. It took a simple question from my therapist, whom I trust implicitly and have since the start for reasons unknown to me. She asks simple questions, but they never fail to make me think far more into things than I am comfortable with generally speaking. But I do it anyways.
"What are your New Years resolutions?"Â
That's a pretty standard question. It must have been the placement in the conversation. We were talking of Jung and God and purpose. And I was thinking of the shadow and of Freud and of the ability we have to lie not only to others but to ourselves.
"What are your New Years resolutions?"
What the hell does that have to do with what we're talking about? What resolutions? Those are dumb to have and people that have them are dumb. Only, wait a minute. Let's take a step back, Andrew. She's a genuine person. She is not dumb. She sounded genuinely interested. Maybe that's a Rogerian technique she's employing. Except if Rogerian, it must be genuine so it no longer gets classified as a technique, but as sincerity. Shit. So then, why do I feel this way towards them?
Oh...
So, dear reader, here it is. I don't like them, or perhaps didn't is more apt, because I FAILED so often. I failed my resolutions so often and so hard I didn't want to try them anymore. A father of four, a husband to one, bringer of food and toys to three animals. I was afraid of failure. I tell my children my definition of failure is the refusal to try again. It's not making mistakes. It's not losing or falling down. It's not missing the mark, it's not trying again. It's not taking that next best step forward. So I was failing by no longer making resolutions.
Personally, I hate failure. So I am not going to anymore, at least in this. Allow me to provide that example to my children, free of cynicism. I do not want them to be naïve, but they shouldn't be overly cynical either. So allow me to stop failing.
My new years resolution this year is to stop failing. That is, to stop giving up because things are difficult or things aren't working out. I resolve to put the best foot forward in every way I can. To take that next step, that next best step whenever possible. To stare into that dark part of the forest I fear most so I can make sense of it, so I can bring that light back out into the open and illuminate those hidden places. I resolve to bathe what I can in the cleansing rays of light in the search for my own meaning and place in this world.
And I resolve to be the example my children and my wife deserve.
Love,
Dad
"my definition of failure is the refusal to try again"
Perfect
I was thinking about resolutions just this morning and was waffling. I’m not waffling anymore, haha...